


This is Your God Speaking

by starcrossedWanderer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad rapping, M/M, audio diary, chilling on a meteor, five feet apart cuz they're both gay, rapping, two Guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcrossedWanderer/pseuds/starcrossedWanderer
Summary: listen, I'm horrible at chapter summaries or just summaries in general so likethis is about karkat with an audio recorder.
Relationships: Background Rosemary, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, background vrisrezi - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	This is Your God Speaking

DAY 1

CG: HELLO WORTHLESS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY POWERED BY DEVICES THAT I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND. THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. AT LEAST, IN THE EXPLICIT UNDERSTANDING THAT I CREATED YOU. I AM NOT GOD OF AUDIO RECORDERS. BUT I DID CREATE YOU VIA ALCHEMY SO I GUESS THAT COUNTS. 

CG: TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY ON THE METEOR AND I AM ALREADY SO! FUCKING! DONE! ROSE AND DAVE BOTH SHOWED UP AND THEN I GOT HIT IN THE FACE BY A PAIL ALL AFTER GAMZEE KILLED LIKE ALL OF MY FRIENDS. WELL MAYBE ONLY SOME OF MY FRIENDS. I DID NOT KNOW FEFERI VERY WELL, BUT SHE WAS ALRIGHT. 

CG: AND I GUESS SOLLUX IS HALF DEAD BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? HOW CAN YOU BE HALF DEAD. YOU EITHER ARE DEAD OR YOU ARE NOT. THIS IS PRETTY FUCKING SIMPLE SOLLUX. 

CG: STILL. 

CG: KANAYA SUGGESTED THAT PERHAPS YELLING INTO SOMETHING MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING AND I GUESS THIS IS IT. I AM YELLING INTO THIS LITTLE MICROPHONE. AND I DO FEEL SOMETHING. 

CG: I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING WIGGLER HIGH ON SOPOR WHO IS LOSING HIS GOGDAMMED MIND ALONE IN THIS SHIP OF PITCH AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS. IT’S A FUCKING FLESHSMOOCH PARTY IN THIS ABOLUTE FESTERING ROCK THAT WE ARE NOW GOING TO CALL HOME FOR THE NEXT SWEEP. 

CG: ALSO VRISKA IS HERE. I FEEL THAT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW FOR THIS NARRATIVE TAPESTRY, THAT I, YOUR GOD AM WEAVING BEFORE YOU. IF I AM LUCKY, NO ONE WILL EVER FIND THESE. PERHAPS I SHOULD JUST BURN IT BEFORE THEY ARE FOUND AND SHOWN TO EVERYONE AND I COLLAPSE INTO AN TROLL ANIME EVENT HORIZON LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE. 

CG: ANYWAYS, THIS IS DAY ONE OR ZERO. DOES THIS COUNT AS ZERO? WHO THE FUCK CARES? THE WIGGLERS THAT ARE GOING TO POP OUT OF MY HUMAN WOMB THAT I DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE? THE ANCESTORS OF YEARS LATER THAT I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO SEE AND NOT DIE OF SOME EVENT INVOLVING A CLOWN, A CIRCUS TENT, AND WAY TOO MANY CHAINSAWS? 

CG: HOW DO I END THESE. DAY 100 

CG: FOUR THREE TWO FUCK YOU. 

CG: LISTEN UP Y’ALL, THIS SHIT IS IRONIC, STRIDERS BEATS ARE BEST SUITED TO TROLLS HOOKED ON PHONICS. KARKALICIOUS DEFINITION MAKE TEREZI LOCO. SHE WANTS TO KNOW THE SECRETS THAT SHE CAN’T TASTE IN MY PHOTO’S. DYIN JUST TO KNOW THE FLAVOR I AIN’T DOIN HER- 

TG: hey dude are you rapping? 

CG: SWEET FUCKING JEGUS ABOVE HOLY SHIT ON A CRACKERS, DAVE DO YOU JUST WALK IN UNANNOUNCED TO EVERY SINGLE ROOM THAT YOU SEE A PERSON IN TO SAY HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OR IS TODAY A SPECIAL DAY THAT YOU HAVE DECIDED TO PROSTRATE YOURSELF BEFORE ME? 

TG: hahaha holy shit you’re really something are you 

TG: sounds like you were uh 

TG: rapping in here. 

TG: didnt know you did that. 

CG: YEAH WELL, WHAT IF I AM. WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF RAP LEGEND, DESCENDING FROM THE HEAVENS TO TEACH ME ABOUT THE WAYS OF MY SACRED ART OF BODILY SLAM POETRY. OH DEIGN TO ME YOUR BRIGHT WISDOM STRIDER, GOD OF TIME AND WHO HAS COME BEFORE ME, LIKE THE SUFFERER TO SEAMICE HARVESTERS OF OLD? 

TG: i mean 

TG: maybe 

TG: do you need lessons 

TG: because i happen to be an expert in the art of beat and flow 

CG: WAIT. REALLY? YOU AREN’T PULLING MY TAIL HERE? 

TG: wait yall have tails 

CG: NO! 

TG: damn got me excited there 

TG: still the offer stands 

CG: WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO OFFER? 

TG: well the lesson here that I give is very (very) 

TG: extraordinary (ary) 

TG: to master the flow 

TG: of beats you must know 

TG: the warbling tale of the canary (very) 

TG: the canary was a bird deep down stuck in the mine he had a bad day was running out of time 

TG: the gases were coming and the miners were gone, this, little bird didnt have very long 

TG: so he cried out high and he sang a little song and if you learn the words too you can sing along 

TG: i’m a little bird and im here in the mine 

TG: im stuck in the dark and im running out of time 

TG: the big gas is coming he’s got my scent 

TG: im stuck in a cage, got no place to vent. 

TG: yeah 

CG: THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST FUCKING THING I’VE EVER HAD TO THE CHANCE TO PASS INTO MY EARGLOBES. TRULY YOU DEIGNED ME WITH ONLY THE SHITTIEST RHYMES THAT YOUR PLANET HAD TO OFFER.

TG: uh 

TG: okay there was this guy his name is snoop dog 

CG: IS HE A DOG 

TG: nah, he’s more of a lion 

CG: THEN WHY DIDN’T HE CALL HIMSELF SNOOP LION 

TG: I dont fucking know but he made some really good rhymes 

TG: like uh 

CG: YES? 

CG: I’M WAITING 

TG: damn okay now im embarrassed 

CG: WHAT? 

TG: you put me on the spot hey is that a recording device 

CG: MY YOU ARE AWFULLY NOSY 

TG: listen 

TG: rose and kanaya are in flirt city vriska and tz are in flirt city but they dont fucking know it 

TG: its absolutely insufferable out there and i need some bros like a really solid bro to just chill with and not have to talk to without getting absolutely blasted in the ass with romance and puppy dog eyes and just yuck 

CG: GAMZ- 

TG: no i am not hanging out with the last living member of the insane clown posse 

CG: THE INSANE CLOWN WHAT? 

TG: oh dude did i not show you 

TG: check this shit out

***a few minutes later***

CG: OH SWEET JEGUS FUCK THIS IS JUST GAMZEE THIS IS LITERALLY JUST GAMZEE

TG: yeah showed it to him once and think he went little apeshit

CG: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. WHY DID THAT CLOWN STEAL SO MANY SHOES. WHY DID HE THROW TRASH EVERYWHERE. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE PEAK OF HUMANITY AND IT LIVES WITHIN YOUR HANDS. 

TG: yeah haha. 

TG: so like 

TG: we should chill 

TG: have some fresh jam sessions right 

CG: DAVE STRIDER, YOU ARE ALRIGHT AND NOT ABSOLUTELY INSUFFERABLE. AND YOU ARE ALSO NOT A CLOWN. WE CAN CHILL

TG: oh sweet fuck thank you 

CG: HOW HARD WERE YOU TRYING THERE TO IMPRESS ME WHEN YOU STARTED RAPPING 

TG: damn got my fucking number on speed dial do you 

TG: i will never tell.


End file.
